Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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