im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
