Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
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He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
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I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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