nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
