I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
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Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
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You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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