nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
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