i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
