Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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