Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i think my tv is drunk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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