your parents love me but you hate me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
