you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
