OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
