its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
