i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
