I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
