i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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