sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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