So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
