They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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