You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
