If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize