I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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