69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I love you. Go after that dick
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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