Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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