ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
