im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
