Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
