I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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