I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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