quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I love having hate sex.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
do nipples grow back?
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