dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
