lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
