How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
