if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
