They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's official drugs can't kill me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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