i need an iv and a liver transplant
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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