Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
