My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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