Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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