i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
