Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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