Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just want nice things and good sex
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
