I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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