definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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