he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
