I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
