yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
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I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
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I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off