I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...