Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
