maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
