So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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