i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
