you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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