none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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