but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
