I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
