dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There r osticjed everywhere
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
