Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
