Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
