Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
