tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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