Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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