i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
