I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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