I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
