Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
