So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
