Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Farmville is her only friend.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
