Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
