Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
