my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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